We all fear that our children are at risk for failure in future relationships, the workforce, and independent function. We fear this and often feel powerless to effect a change that will decrease Bipolar Disorder’s impact on the lives of our children. The degree in which Bipolar Disorder will adversely affect the future of our children is dependent upon many things including: degree of stability and resilience.

So what is resilience and how do we foster it?

Resilience is basically the ability to bounce back from adversity. Some people are naturally resilient, and others develop it through time. People at risk for life long difficulty because they have some degree of impairment most often need to acquire specific skills which will develop into resilience. In general, helping professionals have been trained to undertake the role of futurists through the use of a deficit or weakness based model. That is, they are trained to measure symptoms, evaluate problems, determine diagnoses, and set about to improve future outcome. Traditionally, improving outcome has been equated with reducing symptoms (1).

This model has been effective in identifying what is wrong and prescribing interventions that provide symptom relief. Unfortunately, current research indicates that the outcomes the majority of children with learning difficulties (for various reasons) do not necessarily transition to positive outcomes in life – despite successful symptom relief through the course of their educational years. Those children, who do demonstrate positive life outcomes, have some unique skills and characteristics that the others do not. Long term studies have found that several factors and characteristics increase the probability of good life outcomes. These include:
 

• Temperamental characteristics that elicit positive responses from a variety of caring persons: parents, teachers, friends, spouses, or co-workers.

• Developing special skills or talents that help these individuals to be successful and appreciated for their contributions.

• Characteristics and care giving styles, such as a consistent home environment, as sense of security and nurturance of self-esteem.

• Supportive adults out of the home, including educators who foster trust and act as gatekeepers for the future.

• Openings or opportunities at major life transitions. (1)

Resilience is fostered not by deficit or weakness based models, but by instead focusing on strengths that will help one to overcome adversity. Children with a resilient mindset view the world with optimism and hope. They feel special and appreciated in the eyes of significant others; have learned to set realistic goals and expectations for themselves; and believe that they have the ability to solve problems and make decisions.(1) Children with a resilient mindset are more likely to view mistakes, hardships, and obstacles as challenges to confront rather than as stressors to avoid. Though aware of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities, they also recognize their strengths and talents.(1)

Many of us have heard the term "learned helplessness." We’ve heard it used when someone in our children’s life says that the child is capable of functioning at a higher level than they are. Some of us have heard the term when we are asking for accommodations for our child that will enable them to function in a specific environment. As parents of children with Bipolar Disorder, we are uniquely aware of the tremendous fluctuation in our children’s ability to function well. We know the value of making accommodations for those things that our children are unable to do at various points in their development and course of treatment.

Fostering resilience is not meant to replace accommodation and symptom relief. It is a necessary educational piece that should be used in addition to the identification of deficits and providing symptom relief through accommodation. Raising expectations of ability and performance is not going to foster resilience; this will instead increase frustration and exacerbate the symptoms.

Fostering resilience is a process. The process includes teaching empathy by modeling empathy, encouraging and reinforcing positive skills, team-approach decision making and problem solving, and helping children to deal with their mistakes.

• Modeling Empathy. When we are mindful of our interactions with children and others and act with consideration we model empathy. We do this by "putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes" so to speak. We consider what we know to be socially polite actions or conversation and "assess" the other person’s state of mind. Basically, we use a common sense approach in dealing with others. For example, when a friend is angry do we say "You really need to chill-out!" or do we say instead, "I can see that you are really mad. Is there anything I can do to help?" Familiarity often leads us to interact with less consideration than we would normally use. We feel like we can "let the guard down" a bit and we often let our emotions guide us in what we say and do. Unfortunately, for most of us that means that we will say and do things to those who we know well and are comfortable with, that we might regret were we to reflect on them. Our children are the same. If we consistently model empathy (as much as humanly possible) our children will learn that expected behavior in life includes acting with consideration for others. Children with empathy skills have remorse for their inconsiderate actions.

• Encouraging and reinforcing positive skills. Just as we must model empathy, we must model positive reinforcement. When a child does something well (even within the realm of what is expected) we must verbally reward that. Many of us used this approach when potty training our children. Children that are learning new skills will master those skills more quickly and competently when they are encouraged. Children using skills that are difficult for them to employ at times, will more readily use them again when that effort is acknowledged and commended. Each child has a skill that can be encouraged and developed into a great strength. A child that has struggled to read and is now able to read a book, can be encouraged to read that book to a younger child. A child that has just learned to write the alphabet can be encouraged to work with another child that is struggling. A child that has verbally expressed her anger instead of hitting can be encouraged to use that skill when she begins to feel angry again. Through this process the child will learn the skill and begin to own it as a skill they have in their repertoire. Encouraging skill use requires vigilance in observation. But the pay off is worth the effort.
   

• Team Approach Decision Making and Problem Solving. As adults, we often feel the need to be in control of our surroundings – especially when working with groups of children or working with "difficult" children. Adults do need to hold the authoritative role in these situations. However, authority and control are not synonymous.
   

  Children of all ages have a great deal to contribute to the problem solving process. They have the unique perspective of being "them" and their view of the situation is reflective of that. Anyone who has ever asked a child why she did something the way that she did, will often be surprised (and sometimes amused) at the thought and planning that took place before action. Sometimes the thinking is a little skewed and the results are undesirable, but the planning process is often amazing. Let’s say that in a classroom, the problem is that most of the children are talking when it’s time for the teacher to provide instruction. Some children will start the "Shhhh’s" until the teacher can’t speak over that, some children will start saying "Quiet!" further increasing the noise in the room, some children will sit there quietly waiting for someone to get the class’s attention, some children may cover their ears trying to make it quiet. Meanwhile, the teacher may tap the blackboard with a ruler, flick the light switch on and off, or may even go over to the children who are talking and remind them that it’s her turn to speak, and grow increasingly frustrated the longer this all goes on. One observer might see this situation as a classroom with some disruptive children who don’t or won’t follow the classroom rules; one might see this as a situation where the teacher is ineffective in managing her classroom. What if we looked at it as an opportunity to learn something new about those children, and teach the students that they are competent problem solvers?

  What if, the teacher told the class, "We have a problem here. I need to tell the class something, but I can’t do that when the class is so noisy. What should we do to help the class get quiet when I need to teach?" At that point, there will be multiple hands raised with all sorts of solutions from, "Talk louder" to "Make Jenny sit in the hall." Suppose the teacher suggests that each child writes down one solution on a piece of paper, or better yet asks that partners write down one solution. At this point, each child begins to be a part of the problem solving team.

  The next step is reviewing the ideas and deciding as a group which ones will be tried. As a group, with the teacher always as the facilitator, decide which worked best and which will become the new technique for getting the classes attention. In this hypothetical scenario, each child becomes involved in the process, learns how rules are made, and learns that their ideas have value and that they are capable of solving problems. This technique can be used in any environment, at any age, and anytime a change is necessary to the rules.

  When children with Bipolar Disorder are unstable, it’s not the time to change or modify the rules. It may be time to pick which rules must absolutely be followed, but it’s also important to inform the child that the temporarily discarded rule will be back into effect when he or she is more stable.
   

• Helping children to deal with mistakes. One of the best ways for children to deal with mistakes is to acknowledge our own. Tell the child about a mistake you’ve made and how you felt when you made it. Tell them what you did to either fix it or prevent it happening again. Children need to see their mistakes as part of the learning process rather than as a failure to succeed. One teacher I knew told the children in her class that each and every mistake the children made, gave her a reason to have her job. (The kids loved her so this was a good thing!) Another teacher made a "mistake chain" and every time a mistake was made a new paper link was added. That paper chain provided the opportunity for every child to see the many mistakes their peers made, and the chain was also used to explore math and art concepts.
   

• Some mistakes are harder to cope with than others. Some mistakes have severe ramifications. Those consequences must be dealt with on an individual basis. But the mistake itself must still be viewed as an essential part of the learning process; mistakes are not the same as volitional choices.
   

• Resilience is a key ingredient for children to have success through life. Children with disabilities are at greater risk of failure in education, in employment, in relationships, and in parenting. Without resilience, people do not persevere through adversity. Without resilience, hope is fleeting and success appears unattainable. In order to improve the outcomes for children with disabilities, fostering resilience becomes imperative.

(1)Risk, Resilience and Learning Disability: Strengthening the Resolve of Challenged Children by Sam Goldstein PhD and Robert Brooks PhD

Copyright © (May 9, 2003) (Jennifer Strader)